NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize