jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
