You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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