My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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