i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my being single is dangerous.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
