well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I want is dick and wine.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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