I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my shit smells like andre
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
