The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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