You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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