I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
