I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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