i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
