I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
