Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
