My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
