Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
