We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
