If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
