she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
