Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
