I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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