I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize