we have officially lost it.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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