and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
