Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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