you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
