I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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