Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
