My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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