paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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