so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize