is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
