Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My balls are so social today.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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