Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
