coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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