K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
