Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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