This is not my ceiling
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize