Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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