And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
