there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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