She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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