cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize
