The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
