I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
