Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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