every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
