he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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