Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
