my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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