she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
