dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
