You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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