Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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