How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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