If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
