is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
