it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
