i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
