Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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