Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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