After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
