I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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