Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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