Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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