Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
