my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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