census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
