NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
