Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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