there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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