All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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